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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30010767">Why Are You Scared of Loving?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/suburbangothic/pseuds/suburbangothic'>suburbangothic</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Criminal Minds (US TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Developing Relationship, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Tooth-Rotting Fluff</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:14:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>900</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30010767</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/suburbangothic/pseuds/suburbangothic</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Three times Derek says “I love you” and the time Penelope finally says it back.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Penelope Garcia/Derek Morgan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Why Are You Scared of Loving?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first time he said it out loud, it wasn't even to her. Prentiss and JJ had been teasing him in the bullpen on one of their days off.</p>
<p>"Oooooohhhh look at his face," Emily had said to JJ while eying Derek, "He can't stop smiling!"</p>
<p>"Careful Morgan, your face might freeze like that." JJ teased from her spot next to Emily.</p>
<p>"I'm pretty sure it already has!" Emily laughed as she brought her hand up to protect herself from the file that Derek had thrown her way.</p>
<p>"Hey, I can't help it if I love her." Derek had shrugged, still smiling from ear to ear.</p>
<p>"You what?" Derek froze hearing Penelope's voice from behind him. All three agents froze, their smiles slowly dropping.</p>
<p>"Babygirl! I–" Derek started, but she was gone by the time he turned around.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The second time it happens, they were on a case. It wasn't even on purpose. It was a slip of the tongue, a habit, like he'd been saying it all his life. The team was gathered around a small table in the local precinct, listening as Garcia debriefed them on what she found on their latest unsub.</p>
<p>"Thanks Garcia," Hotch said as he went to update the local police.</p>
<p>"Stay safe crimefighters! I'll hit you back when I have more details." Garcia said while the others started gathering files and head back into the field.</p>
<p>"Alright, thanks babygirl. I love you." Derek said and everyone froze. It wasn't his usual flirty "love ya mamma" sign off. He hadn't said anything since the day in the bullpen. Every time Derek tried to bring it up, Penelope would always change the topic or find a way out of the conversation altogether.</p>
<p>There was a pregnant pause before Prentiss finally spoke up, "Garcia, are you still there?"</p>
<p>"Yep! Bye!" Penelope said shortly. They heard a click and the line went dead.</p>
<p>***</p>
<p>The third time was after dinner, Derek had made his famous sweet potato pie and Penelope had insisted on cleaning up.</p>
<p>"Baby, you don't have to do that," Derek smiled, coming up behind where she was standing at the sink, "I'll do it in the morning."</p>
<p>"I know, but you made such a wonderful meal and the least I can do is clean it up a bit." She frowned slightly as reached from behind her and took the towel and plate and set them on the counter.</p>
<p>He spun her around so he could look into her eyes, "It's ok, really. Having you here is all I need. I love you."</p>
<p>He could feel her stiffen in his arms. This time it wasn't some offhanded comment to a couple of friends or some passing remark at the end of a phone call. This time, Derek's voice was filled with unspoken promises and a future with a white picket fence and kisses goodnight and growing old together in rocking chairs on a porch overlooking the ocean. This time he meant every syllable of those three small words and Penelope was terrified. Terrified because she could feel all the emotion in his eyes; terrified because she could sense him gazing into her soul and tearing all her walls down; and most of all terrified because she wanted to let him.</p>
<p>Derek could see her mind going into overdrive. He could see the worry in her eyes and he could feel her pulling away even if there was less than an inch between them.</p>
<p>"Babygirl, talk to me" Derek said, moving an out of place strand of hair out of her eyes, "Why are you scared of loving?"</p>
<p>She could feel her heartbeat slowing just from listening to his voice, calm and soothing, "I just–"</p>
<p>He could feel her start to shake in his arms so he poured her a glass of water and slowly moved them to the couch.</p>
<p>"Please don't push me away." Derek said lowly, turning his body to face her.</p>
<p>"It's just that in the past, everyone I've ever loved ends up leaving... My parents– Kevin– God, even Shane. And I can't let that happen to you, Derek. I won't. Because I don't know what I would do without– do without you, " She hiccuped, "And I–"</p>
<p>Tears were running freely down her face and the sight broke Derek's heart. He took both her hands into one of his and wiped her cheek with the other, "Penelope, look at me please."</p>
<p>His hand went to her chin to gently lift her head until her eyes met his gaze, "I'm right here baby. I'm not going anywhere. Do you feel this?"</p>
<p>He brought one of her hands up to his chest, over his heart. She could feel his heartbeat, strong, and steady, and unwavering beneath the soft fabric of his shirt.</p>
<p>"This is me not going anywhere. This is me promising to be right here by your side for the rest of your life. This is me not running from what makes me happy anymore. This is me loving you with every beat of my heart." Derek said, looking at her as her eyes were locked onto where her hand was still placed on his chest. Her breathing was quiet and stable now but her watery eyes still shined brightly in the dim light.</p>
<p>After a long moment she finally raised her eyes to meet his with a small smile, "I love you, Derek Morgan."</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This was my first ever fic! Thanks for reading &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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